Pretty Young Thing

July is the month where I take stock of where I am, and where I want to be. It is the month of my birth, and as simple as it my seem, it is my favorite month; a month filled with love, growth, and hope. It has and always will be this for me.
This year seems especially important. I will be thirty five. I feel like I am exactly where I should be with most things, but I never fail to dream on an almost hourly basis. This does not seem to ring true for most that are my age.
Also, I feel like the last couple weeks could not have happened at a better time, even though what has occurred is quite bittersweet.
Although there is plenty of eye-rolling and negativity out there, I will never falter when it comes to recognizing the important roles people have played in my life, and how profound it was for my mother to tell me (from an age that most don't remember) that I should always treat people the way I wanted to be treated, and that everyone deserves love. With this, I can honestly say, Michael Jackson still makes me feel the way he did when I first received 'Thriller'. He made me love music, he made me love dance, and most importantly, he made me fall in love for the first time. I remember how sweetly my parents listened to me plan my wedding with him, and without ever skipping a beat, my mom told me it could happen.
I was raised by two incredibly strong people, people that taught me to walk in the footsteps of others, people that are filled with love, passion, and most importantly, compassion. Between the two of them, the only time I heard anything even remotely negative was when someone outright wronged me, my brother, or sister(understandable).
I think it is sad when people can't see magic, and can't appreciate someone or something for all that it is, whether that is in ugliness or beauty. And for this, I can honestly say I was the most blessed person for being born to my mom and dad. And, I am not embarrassed to mourn; mourn not only a major force behind all that I love in popular culture, but also mourn that I too will one day pass, and hope that I somehow left a positive impact on those that I was fortunate enough to know. This mound of tear soaked tissues is proof of my love.

I am proud of myself for these few things today:
1. I went to work, and cleaned three houses in the exact amount of time that it should have taken.
2. Tiffany and I went to the gym. I ran only two miles, and walked one. It will get better.
3. I decided to get on the ball again. I am so fucking bored with my life right now.

leisurely

my closet is filled with casual wear dating up to a decade ago...i am making my peace with it and donating it all.

a huge weight has been lifted.

i like letting go of the past.

a la carte

i love today. it is beautiful and warm. my day is going to be spent...
planning my garden
running
cleaning
and having a fun time with melissa and tiffany. tuesday is our night of nights.
dinner and drinks on the porch...
does it get any better?

webisode, yeah i said it.

so many plans for this, but i have a lot of research to do, which is not one of my favorite things. i should be more excited to teach myself things that i previously never cared about. i wish i could just have the information uploaded into my brain. perfect.

aww yeah...

i am about to get into some serious math, but soon i want to write about...
1. the best pizza i have ever had, and it was made by me.
2. the serious cleaning i have been doing...let's just say i am making some sweeping changes...
3. web shows, starring me and tiffany. be prepared.
4. i like el mundo night with tif and mel.

simple simple.

i have the fever to clean out my house of all that is useless and pointless. this will probably end up including almost all of my possessions. i am going to start small, but before i know it, i think i will have an empty house. yes.

call me...

call me a dirtball, but i think i am going to go out to dinner without showering(after running.) i smell like the great-impending spring air, and sometimes a little sweat makes my hair look really good.

everyone's at it

my first run outside in a couple of months. i had forgotten how much harder it is; running on a treadmill is the pussy-fied version of running.i think it is awesome and exhilarating. running outside allowed me to view what all of my neighbor's have consumed this past week, by scrutinizing their recycling bins that are sitting along the curbs. it also gave me a quick laugh to pass teen crust punks smoking some reefer while walking down the street(on my street, no less!) i feel great and i am ready to have some fun. and i am ready to eat.

never had nobody like you

i think i will stick with being in love with singers/songwriters that i will never know.

we fight/we love

this is what my last few days have been filled with, not concerning me, but those close to me. i never think there is anything wrong with feeling. of course, i choose not to fight with those close to me, but if it comes to that, i am at least thankful to feel something. i have been feeling a lot lately, and i haven't been able to figure it all out. it has always been my nature to react physically to what is being felt mentally. the past weeks have been filled with exhaustion, shortness of breath, and major aches and pains. i am sure it is all stress. i never have fun anymore. i complete tasks. i clean the houses of others, i eat, i do homework, and here and there i might do something social besides working with tiffany or eating with nick. when i get into the habit of not having fun, i focus on what might kill me. a vacation might be the simple answer. and more than just going to toledo. i have some restaurants i want to eat at, and i have some people to see. one in particular. probably the only one i fight with. we fight/we love. i also need to run again.

epic proportions

my past week:
1. carmen was in town. thank fucking god.
2. scott moved to sweden. boo.
3. art show at the makery. fun. so was the pop champagne.
4. nine hours of math in one day. my brain is gone.
5. an okay valentines day. my first one without making a big to do. grr.
6. chest pain and shortness of breath. dying?
7. spring fever.
8.was filled with urges to eliminate everything from my life except for family. seriously.

ping pong

so so long and so many stories to tell. I have been far too busy to relax at all, even when i virtually don't have to do anything. I have been balancing cleaning, school work, the gym, eating, dating, sleeping, being social, and figuring out what the fuck i need to do to be content. let's just say i really don't want the last part, but i like striving for it. last week we had the worst winter storm that i have been a part of, which too soon followed the hurrican ike incident of september 2008. both storms left me without power, the internet, business/money, one without a vehicle, and the other with a happier vision of communal living. i like the sense of community that can only come after a tragedy, is it creepy for me to feel like i have really been blessed the last few months because of tragedy? I like knowing that people care, and i like that people never have let me down yet. everything just gets better...i have a jeep that i love now, my dad is healing and has restored my faith in perseverance and positivity(after accident with a drunk driver), tiffany is still breathing(two blood clots tried to take that away), and my city is thawing out preparing for the birth of a new spring...and i am learning new things. oh, I am still going to the gym. i am officially on the track to becoming a runner again, even though my knees are trying to battle me for that title. i will win.

body body

i went back to the gym today. it was the first time in almost three months. everyday, i wore that like a scarlet letter. not today. not ever again. my special, little t.word joined the same gym as me, so we are going to support one another on our quest for what we jokingly describe as "hott bods."

i have become so lazy in most aspects of my life, especially when eating and exercising are concerned. i am pretty stoked on the thought of taking initiative and feeling amazing again. i am so glad to be sharing the journey with someone that i appreciate so much. and i like being able to complain about the guy that was running next to me, spraying me with sweat, forcing me to stop running at 2.5 miles. grrrr.

louder than bombs

these things take time, and this is the type of day that is worthy of feeling accomplished, but yet the rainy gloom makes me want to sit around and lament on what could be better. i have a knack for believing that i experience a new level of self awareness with each passing day, yet i still find myself making excuses to avoid things that will ultimately make me really happy.

a list of what makes me happy.
1. running
2. baking
3. organizing/ridding life of everything but necessities.
5. fun friend time
6.making things. all sorts of things. postcards, mixes, meals.

a list of excuses
1. nothing is going to change in this city, it has a permanent haze of boredom around everything, therefore, what is the point of doing anything?

yes, it is one of those days. i know that i am acting like a baby, and feelings of disconnect are all my fault. i think the only cure is making homemade cinnamon rolls. and listening to the smiths.

tea time

i just spent my last night with jax and joen before they head home tomorrow. it is funny how the visit and departure of loved ones always makes me feel the urge to accomplish what i have been putting off. passing time is more apparent and seems way more precious, when your loved ones are leaving your side. unfortunately, i always fall victim to letting the moments i prize most slip through my fingers...i am always caught up in what i have to do, or, have done, and i forget to live in the moment. this is one of the things i want to work on in the new year. i want to have more time for myself, which, will in turn make me more available to all of those that i love. my brain has not stopped all week, and i have been keeping a running list of everything that i am grateful for, or enjoy. i was very happy to spend most of the day with tiffany on her thirtieth birthday. she griped quite a bit, but even her gripes make me happy. i am also so glad to have had my late tea time with jackie and joen. and most importantly, i am thankful for the happiness i sensed in poppy's voice when he told me his physical therapy went well today. i actually can't think of a single moment that i am not thankful for. i look forward to this next day.

yeah yeah yeah

so tonight was great. i had a few of my favorites at my side; two of which that don't live here, and two that are moving. i feel like my life is comprised of trying to hold on to people constantly moving on and visiting with those here on a quick visit.

move

so, after several months of subliminal blogging, i am back. today is one of those days that i am so excited about everything. i have a million and one ideas running through my head, and i can't keep up at all. i am on the make. in more ways than one. yes.see if you can keep up.