i have the fever to clean out my house of all that is useless and pointless. this will probably end up including almost all of my possessions. i am going to start small, but before i know it, i think i will have an empty house. yes.
call me a dirtball, but i think i am going to go out to dinner without showering(after running.) i smell like the great-impending spring air, and sometimes a little sweat makes my hair look really good.
my first run outside in a couple of months. i had forgotten how much harder it is; running on a treadmill is the pussy-fied version of running.i think it is awesome and exhilarating. running outside allowed me to view what all of my neighbor's have consumed this past week, by scrutinizing their recycling bins that are sitting along the curbs. it also gave me a quick laugh to pass teen crust punks smoking some reefer while walking down the street(on my street, no less!) i feel great and i am ready to have some fun. and i am ready to eat.
this is what my last few days have been filled with, not concerning me, but those close to me. i never think there is anything wrong with feeling. of course, i choose not to fight with those close to me, but if it comes to that, i am at least thankful to feel something. i have been feeling a lot lately, and i haven't been able to figure it all out. it has always been my nature to react physically to what is being felt mentally. the past weeks have been filled with exhaustion, shortness of breath, and major aches and pains. i am sure it is all stress. i never have fun anymore. i complete tasks. i clean the houses of others, i eat, i do homework, and here and there i might do something social besides working with tiffany or eating with nick. when i get into the habit of not having fun, i focus on what might kill me. a vacation might be the simple answer. and more than just going to toledo. i have some restaurants i want to eat at, and i have some people to see. one in particular. probably the only one i fight with. we fight/we love. i also need to run again.
my past week: 1. carmen was in town. thank fucking god. 2. scott moved to sweden. boo. 3. art show at the makery. fun. so was the pop champagne. 4. nine hours of math in one day. my brain is gone. 5. an okay valentines day. my first one without making a big to do. grr. 6. chest pain and shortness of breath. dying? 7. spring fever. 8.was filled with urges to eliminate everything from my life except for family. seriously.
so so long and so many stories to tell. I have been far too busy to relax at all, even when i virtually don't have to do anything. I have been balancing cleaning, school work, the gym, eating, dating, sleeping, being social, and figuring out what the fuck i need to do to be content. let's just say i really don't want the last part, but i like striving for it. last week we had the worst winter storm that i have been a part of, which too soon followed the hurrican ike incident of september 2008. both storms left me without power, the internet, business/money, one without a vehicle, and the other with a happier vision of communal living. i like the sense of community that can only come after a tragedy, is it creepy for me to feel like i have really been blessed the last few months because of tragedy? I like knowing that people care, and i like that people never have let me down yet. everything just gets better...i have a jeep that i love now, my dad is healing and has restored my faith in perseverance and positivity(after accident with a drunk driver), tiffany is still breathing(two blood clots tried to take that away), and my city is thawing out preparing for the birth of a new spring...and i am learning new things. oh, I am still going to the gym. i am officially on the track to becoming a runner again, even though my knees are trying to battle me for that title. i will win.